Well, i moved in with my mother.
As i said in my last post, i was a little worried about my brother coming back, well, its been 2 months and he hasn't been back, as a matter of fact he is still in rehab and i am very happy.
He has been running everyday and eating well and looks great.
i am sure i dont need to tell you the joy and hair pulling that comes with moving home after 30 years. it is only for 2 months, but it hasn't been easy.
it's great to come home and have dinner ready. my mom has become a great healthy cook.
Most of our arguments are about my brother, and so i have decided to not even go there.
Being the sibling of a drug addict with an enabling mother has built up alot of resentment but i realized while i was living there, that it just doesn't matter. i have always survived on my own and no matter what i or my brother says to my mom she just doesn't hear. She is also 70 years old, so am i going to punish her for protecting the weak. its just a losing battle, so why stress myself out more than i already am. So i decided to just work on our relationship. and i did,we did, and i have to say that when i was ready and packed to go back to Mexico i was sad to be leaving her.Actually as i write this i am feeling a little sad. i have to say for the first time in years i really miss my mom.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Monday, August 3, 2009
A Mother always worrys about her Baby
Well, Ive been thinking about staying with my mom for a few months to save some money, It will only work if she doesn't let my brother home after rehab. she keeps swearing she won't but we've been hearing that for 20 years.
interestingly enough. she called to ask what I was doing with my furniture ect. ( see, my brother still has two months of rehab left, and hasn't been accepted yet into assisted living but she is already furnishing his apartment.
The poor guy, He's 47 and she still treats him like he's 12. He needs to accumulate what he needs on his own, (actually, he needs to get a place first). The few times my brother did go out on his own in the last 30 years he always lived with someone who already had everything. He needs to learn the feeling of accomplishment, of finding the best bargain, or maybe (just maybe) working to save some money to buy the little extras that he needs, to know what the feeling is when you actually do buy something on your own, not having something because your mommy bought it for him, or he stole it. My brother is not that kind of thief. he steals, but it's usually for drugs, I can't imagine him stealing a t.v. to watch it, but I know he has stolen them to pawn off, and most of the theft unfortuantly has been the imidiate family and maybe a few close friends who have tried to help.
I could easily give him my extra tv. Except that he used to have one in his room, but while my mom was at work he took it downtown to pawn.
And before that he stole my t.v., vcr, leather jacket and jewelery while I was away travelling.
my mother covered up for him so I was unable to charge him. I don't know, what do you think, maybe a few weeks in jail would straighten him out, or at least show him there a consequences for your actions.
So, in my eyes, he has already got a tv from me, and since he has never even once tried to make amends for stealing from me. I feel he should go out on his own.
Some how, as always, he will probably end up with something just so there will be peace in the family.
interestingly enough. she called to ask what I was doing with my furniture ect. ( see, my brother still has two months of rehab left, and hasn't been accepted yet into assisted living but she is already furnishing his apartment.
The poor guy, He's 47 and she still treats him like he's 12. He needs to accumulate what he needs on his own, (actually, he needs to get a place first). The few times my brother did go out on his own in the last 30 years he always lived with someone who already had everything. He needs to learn the feeling of accomplishment, of finding the best bargain, or maybe (just maybe) working to save some money to buy the little extras that he needs, to know what the feeling is when you actually do buy something on your own, not having something because your mommy bought it for him, or he stole it. My brother is not that kind of thief. he steals, but it's usually for drugs, I can't imagine him stealing a t.v. to watch it, but I know he has stolen them to pawn off, and most of the theft unfortuantly has been the imidiate family and maybe a few close friends who have tried to help.
I could easily give him my extra tv. Except that he used to have one in his room, but while my mom was at work he took it downtown to pawn.
And before that he stole my t.v., vcr, leather jacket and jewelery while I was away travelling.
my mother covered up for him so I was unable to charge him. I don't know, what do you think, maybe a few weeks in jail would straighten him out, or at least show him there a consequences for your actions.
So, in my eyes, he has already got a tv from me, and since he has never even once tried to make amends for stealing from me. I feel he should go out on his own.
Some how, as always, he will probably end up with something just so there will be peace in the family.
Moving in with Mom
Well, as I said, my brother is in rehab, again and we can only hope this time it works..
He's been there for a month already and has 2 months to go, Hopefully he will make it.
For the first time, he is making arrangements for assisted living, but he has gone six months before, before falling off the wagon. my only hope is that he get's accepted so that he doesn't run back to mommy. He's 47.
The thing is, I, like so many other people am going through some rough times, finacially and with work.
I left home at 18, and i am now 48, and in the last 30 years i have never had to move home and my mother and father have never had to bail me out financially or otherwise.
They have always had their hands full with my brother.
So, now Im having some troubles and up until now, my mother has not offered to help me or to even invite me to stay with her. The extra room always needs to be available for when he comes home.
unfortunatly, as I said before, my mother is the enabler, and there is no changing her. She doesn't understand that my brother has to learn to stand on his own 2 feet.
So, last week out of the blue she asked me if I would like to move in, at first she wanted me to pay $500.00, but when I said no thanks, (paying or not, i can't trust that she won't let my brother home if he screws up). two days after that she called to apologize and offered for me to live there for free, so I can save up some money...She promised that under no circumstances was he coming home. He and I can not live under the same roof, that's for another blog, so now Im deciding what to do.
tomorrow I go to visit my brother and see what rehab looks like, he seems to be doing really well, and Im very happy, BUT, I have to let him know that I plan to be the buffer so that no matter what happens he doesn't come home. My mother is a mother and she doesn't keep him a drug addict on purpose, but babying him just sucks him back to square one.
When we spoke the other day he told me he didn't want to go home, i think he realizes that going back is poison for him. so instead of being a bitch, I going to try the good sister by living with my mom so there is no room for him.
it's time he grew up and gets the chance to start again on his own.
He's been there for a month already and has 2 months to go, Hopefully he will make it.
For the first time, he is making arrangements for assisted living, but he has gone six months before, before falling off the wagon. my only hope is that he get's accepted so that he doesn't run back to mommy. He's 47.
The thing is, I, like so many other people am going through some rough times, finacially and with work.
I left home at 18, and i am now 48, and in the last 30 years i have never had to move home and my mother and father have never had to bail me out financially or otherwise.
They have always had their hands full with my brother.
So, now Im having some troubles and up until now, my mother has not offered to help me or to even invite me to stay with her. The extra room always needs to be available for when he comes home.
unfortunatly, as I said before, my mother is the enabler, and there is no changing her. She doesn't understand that my brother has to learn to stand on his own 2 feet.
So, last week out of the blue she asked me if I would like to move in, at first she wanted me to pay $500.00, but when I said no thanks, (paying or not, i can't trust that she won't let my brother home if he screws up). two days after that she called to apologize and offered for me to live there for free, so I can save up some money...She promised that under no circumstances was he coming home. He and I can not live under the same roof, that's for another blog, so now Im deciding what to do.
tomorrow I go to visit my brother and see what rehab looks like, he seems to be doing really well, and Im very happy, BUT, I have to let him know that I plan to be the buffer so that no matter what happens he doesn't come home. My mother is a mother and she doesn't keep him a drug addict on purpose, but babying him just sucks him back to square one.
When we spoke the other day he told me he didn't want to go home, i think he realizes that going back is poison for him. so instead of being a bitch, I going to try the good sister by living with my mom so there is no room for him.
it's time he grew up and gets the chance to start again on his own.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Back in Rehab
Well, my brothers back in rehab. My mother (whom he has lived with for the last 25 years) has thrown him out once again, He stole some money from her on the way out, and chose to use it to shoot up or snort up, Im not really sure which one, instead of for food and shelter. It saddened me to hear my mother, she sounded almost joyous, to know that within one day he was first in detox and now he's in rehab. which meant he had a bed, a roof over his head and food. It really seems to be a vicious circle. Hopefully this time it will work, Hopefully this time she wont let him back home.
He's 47 years old. my mother has been an enabler to him for over 25 years. She needs support like Alanon, but she wont go (like alot of mothers) because she doesn't want to hear what they have to say.
Please write, if you have a comment or suggestion..
More soon..Andrea
He's 47 years old. my mother has been an enabler to him for over 25 years. She needs support like Alanon, but she wont go (like alot of mothers) because she doesn't want to hear what they have to say.
Please write, if you have a comment or suggestion..
More soon..Andrea
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Hi, this is my new blog on living with drug adiction in the family. I have a brother who is hooked on crack, unfortunatly, for more than 25 years. so now this disease also includes depression, maybe some bypolar symtoms or even some mental retardation. Unfortunatly, my mother has become the enabler, which has not helped the situation. I am one of the siblings, I also have an older brother, my father has passed on.
I will be sharing my struggles over this and hopefully some solutions to makeing my life, my brother's lives and my mothers life a little more saner.
Statistics show that one in eight families have someone who is addicted to something, either alcohol, hard drugs, soft drugs, pills ect. and the strain on the rest of the family can be just overwelming.
Stay tuned and feel free to send your comments.
Jennifer
I will be sharing my struggles over this and hopefully some solutions to makeing my life, my brother's lives and my mothers life a little more saner.
Statistics show that one in eight families have someone who is addicted to something, either alcohol, hard drugs, soft drugs, pills ect. and the strain on the rest of the family can be just overwelming.
Stay tuned and feel free to send your comments.
Jennifer
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